What Does a ‘Brass Monkey’ Have to do With Louisiana’s Cold Weather?

There are a lot of ways to say "It's Cold". There are even more ways to say "It's really cold". Here lately from Lafayette to Shreveport and New Orleans to Tallulah, we've been in that "really cold" category and I have to admit I have had more discussions involving brass monkeys than any other time in recent history.

Just so you know, parts of Louisiana are under a Winter Storm Warning today. That threat of ice, snow, sleet, and freezing rain will continue in the overnight hours of Thursday. Eventually, things will improve, at least from a falling precipitation point of view, on Friday afternoon.

It's pretty much a given that we can all agree it's cold. Even if you aren't in the Winter Storm Warned area it's cold.  But what does that have to do with the phrase that makes teenage boys, okay all men we're immature, snicker under our breath just a little?

For most of my life, the phrase about a brass monkey and its balls has been just as hard to figure out as a Starbucks menu. I know there's a disgusting cocktail called a brass monkey but what about the cold weather monkey?

Here's the myth, the mystery, and the deflating truth about it being "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". Let's get one thing clear we are not talking about anything vulgar.

The brass monkey in question is linked to a nautical term used to describe a rack that would hold cannon balls on the deck of a ship. The rack was called a "brass monkey" because it was made of brass. I don't know where they got the monkey part from.

According to legend when the weather gets very cold the brass would contract like many metals do in cold temperatures. This contraction would make the rack too small to support the cannon balls and thus the weather would "freeze the balls off a brass monkey".

The truth? Brass wouldn't contract fast enough or just enough in general for that to happen. Here's the "math" if you're interested.  There is also no particular record of a cannonball rack actually being referred to as a "brass monkey".

And so another fabled phrase that people use to describe the cold has been debunked and now you know. For my next job, I need to go find a witch and ask if we could take the temperature of her cleavage. Let's see if we can debunk that myth without getting our faces slapped.

And if you think the colorful slang terms of the "olden days" are interesting, just try and figure out what the kids have been saying about you at the dinner table. Here's a brief list of translatable phrases and words.